Mom Doesn’t Check Voicemails

Sep 26

It’s just under a month before I head to the midwest and visit my Korean mom and my brother who genially puts up with her. The original plan was to fly to Chicago and spend a few days in the Windy City since my boyfriend has never been, then drive to Detroit and spend a few days cursing Tim Allen and his deceptive Pure Michigan commercials (“I don’t recall seeing any fast food chains or slums in those sweeping lake shots…”). After doing some research, however, I found out that it is obscenely expensive to rent a car in one state and drop it off in another. It turned out to be loads cheaper to book a short flight from Chicago to Detroit and rent a car at the airport (not to mention faster) than to drive, so we changed our plans slightly. When it came time to call Mom and inform her of the brief switch, I didn’t think it would be a big deal (oh how I underestimate that tiny Asian woman). She didn’t pick up so I left a quick message letting her know that we were now flying to Detroit and would just pick up a car. I hung up and thought nothing more of the matter. Roughly 40 minutes later, my Mom called back. Me: “Hello?” Mom: “Rebecca!” Me: “Yeah?” Mom: “What’s wrong!?” Me: “What?” Mom: “What’s wrong?? You call! Something wrong?!!” Me: “What the–no! Didn’t you listen to the message I left you?” I could have sworn she knows how to check her voicemail, but considering this is the same woman who I once caught trying to change the channel by pointing the cordless phone at the television, you never know. Mom: “No, I was on freeway! I see you call and worry something’s wrong!” Me: “I just called to tell you that we’ll be flying to Michigan from Chicago instead of driving.” Mom: “…so?” Me: “…so I just thought you wanted to know! Good lord…” Mom: “…that’s it?” Me: “Yeah, that’s it. What’d you think was going on?” Mom: “My gahhhhh, I thought you get hurt practicing for Iron Chef race! I worry!” Me: “……….” I honestly don’t know what to focus...

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Mom Reacts to My Second Ironman Signup

Sep 06

Last year I did my first Ironman despite my mom’s protest that I was “gonna die,” and this year I drove up to Penticton, British Columbia to watch my friends do the race and to sign up for 2012. When I got back home, I called my mom and debated telling her about my plans to do the race again (since she was less than thrilled about me doing it the first time around). I ended up calling her and tried to ease it into the conversation. Mom: “Hi honeyyyyy! What you doing?” Me: “Not much, what are you up do?” Mom: “I watching ‘American Got Talent.'” (She always calls it that, as if the show is about one dude who can do something somewhat interesting.) Me: “I was out of town in Canada this past weekend.” Mom: “Oh, Vancouver?” Me: “No, Penticton.” Mom: “Pen…ton?” Me: “Penticton, British Columbia. It’s where that race I did last year was.” Mom: “Oh.” Me: “I was watching my friends do the race this year.” Mom: “Ah, I see. How they do?” Me: “For the most part they did really well. It was really hot out, like mid-90s, so it was a tough day.” Mom: “My gahhhhh. 90s? It’s hot and humid here in Meechygan lately too! Peppers suffer from heat.” Me: “…so you’re still doing the pepper thing, huh?” Mom: “Yeah, is good exercise! I got nothing else to do all day. What, I can’t vacuum, clean house every day! Peppers give me something to do! But Mommy getting old, I get tired working at farm all day. Before I work eight hours no problem, but now I get tired.” Me: “…so speaking of exercise, I signed up to the Ironman again next year.” Mom: “Oh my gahhhh, you doing another Macho Man race?!” Me, struggling not to laugh: “It’s called an Ironman, and yeah, I’m doing another one. I take it you won’t come and watch because of the peppers?” Mom: “No, no, I can’t watch. They have to take me to hospital.” Me: “What, why?” Mom: “I wait around all day and worry, they have to take me to hospital!” Me: “You wouldn’t have to worry about me, I’ve already...

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