Mom and I Discuss My Recent Trip to Costa Rica

Mar 22

Mom and I Discuss My Recent Trip to Costa Rica

In the weeks leading up to my trip to Costa Rica, I would remind my mom that I was traveling to Central America for a week and she would respond the exact same way each time: Mom: “Oh my gahhhh. You be careful! My gah. You going with friends? Okay, good. You be careful. You go places with Jason–don’t go places by youself. My gah. I raise you all by myself! You my baby! I worry about you!” Since my mom is Internet-illiterate, I wasn’t going to be able to email her that we’d arrived safely, and since I didn’t want to rack up a huge cell phone fee by calling her, I told her that I would email my siblings and have them call her to let her know I was fine. My trip was fun and the race I had flown down to do, the Rev 3 half Ironman, went really well. I ended up taking second overall female, my best ever finish in a triathlon. When I got back home, I called my mom to let her know how my trip went. I was excited to tell her about my podium finish and was curious to hear how she’d react. Me: “Hey Mom.” Mom: “Hi honeyyyyy! You back?” Me: “Yeah, I got in late last night.” Mom, angrily: “You siblings never call me and tell me you get there safe!” Me: “Oh, sorry. I told them to let you know!” Mom: “Nobody tell Mommy anything!” Me: “Sorry.” I found myself apologizing for something that wasn’t remotely my fault. This tends to happen a lot when it comes to appeasing my mother. Mom: “How was trip? Nice?” Me: “Yeah, I had a good time.” Mom: “You have good race?” Me: “Yeah, I took 2nd overall female, so I was the second-fastest woman there.” Mom: “Whaaaaa, that’s a lot. Are you that tough?!” Me, laughing: “I guess!” Mom: “Wowww. You are my little baby!” Me: “Aww…” Mom: “…you were my wimpy baby! Ha-ha.” Me: “What?!” Mom: “You little thing! You cried a lot!” Me: “You always tell me I never cried when I was a baby!” Mom: “When you baby you don’t cry. But when you little nobody...

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The ‘Iron Race’ Legitimized Via Wheel of Fortune

Mar 05

Last week I was working when my mom called. I had just spent a few days in Las Vegas so I figured she was calling me up to see how the trip went. We had just missed each other by a day–my mom was visiting her mother-in-law in Arizona and took a short trip to Las Vegas while she was there, but she had left on Sunday and I arrived in Vegas on Monday for work. (I imagine it would be both hilarious and exhausting to spend time with my mom in Sin City–on one hand, gambling with her would undoubtedly be amusing; on the other hand, I could easily see her getting crabbier and crabbier upon having to walk further than 50 feet at a time, and considering how huge and sprawling the casinos are, I’d probably have to resort to making a mom papoose and carrying her through the city like a joey). As usual, the phone call was full of gems: Mom: “Hi honeyyyyy! Just calling to see you back from Vay-gus.” Me: “Yeah, I got back yesterday.” Mom: “Good trip? You work hard?” Me: “Yeah, it was good. Got a lot done.” Mom: “That’s good. Good! How’s weather in Seattle?” Me: “Eh, kind of rainy and overcast. I guess on Tuesday it was really bad–slow and slush. Thankfully, I was in Las Vegas so I missed it.” Mom: “Ohhhhh yeah. It’s cold here in Meechygan. Weather so bad I stay home knitting my pants.” Apparently my mom’s latest hobby is knitting and crocheting, and she has taken to knitting herself entire wardrobe ensembles. Because, you know, knitted pants are all the rage. Me, chuckling: “I really need to see these pants you’re working on.” Mom, proud: “I already knit a pair! Black pants. I wearing them now! I don’t wanna take ’em off!” Me, smiling: “Of course you don’t.” Mom: “…anyway, I’m watching uh Wheel of Fortune. ┬áThere’s a purple shirt girl.” Me: “Okay…” Mom: “…and Pat Sajack say ‘What you do,’ and she said, “I just finish i-urn race.’ Same as you!” Me, laughing: “Oh, really?” The fact that my mom has finally remembered this whole “iron race” thing could quite possibly be my...

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