FAQ

How tall is your mom?

In Mom’s own words, “three inch taller than legal midget.”

What does your mom carry in her purse?

You’re almost certainly expected to find a lipstick-stained bottle of water, gum, a small bottle of Tabasco sauce, crinkled napkins from assorted fast food restaurants, ketchup packets from McDonald’s, packets of sauce from Taco Bell, and socks.

What is your mom’s favorite hobby?

Please refer to this post.

It seems like your mom just likes to eff with people.

Absolutely. She picks her spots and will unload a deadly strike with surgical precision. For example, one time she made food for an elderly neighbor. My brother John offered to take it to her, but she insisted Gene do it. A teenager at the time, he worked at a pizza place, making and delivering pizzas. “Gee-in, you take food to neighbor.” Gene’s response: “Why do I have to do it? John offered.” Mom immediately countered with, “Because you delivery boy.”

Can your mom run?

Nobody knows.

What’s the most athletic thing your mom has done?

Probably something pepper-related.

I’m about to go on a job interview. Does your mom have any advice for me?

You bet! “You answer questions good. You do good job. You show them that you pro-fesh-un-al.”

Does your mom follow pop culture?

Yes, she can tell you which American Idol contestants are gay.

What does your mom like to buy people for gifts?

Clothing is her go-to gift.

What are the chances the clothing will fit its recipient?

0%.

Does your mom like sports?

She loves to watch figure skating, so no.

Got a question? Contact me!