My Mother the Lazy Opportunist

Mar 13

My Mother the Lazy Opportunist

Earlier I wrote about my brother’s hip surgery and how my mom stuffed him full of food as if he were facing the electric chair instead of a scalpel. John has had a slow and painful but steady recovery since the operation. This past weekend he progressed from using a walker to help move around to hobbling around on a pair of crutches. My mother, the lazy opportunist, took note of this recent change and asked him about it.

Mom: “So…you using crutches now? No walker?”

John: “Yeah, I’m feeling strong enough to get by with the crutches now.”

She fell silent, the gears turning in her head.

Mom: “…so whatchoo gonna do with walker?”

John: “Uhhh…do you…want it?”

Mom, happily: “Yeah! I use around house!”

Let me clarify something: my mom is not disabled. She’s got the strength and athleticism of Mr. Burns, but she’s otherwise able-bodied and self-sufficient. There is no legitimate need for her to use a walker.

John: “What the heck do you need a walker for?”

Mom, indignant: “Sometimes I sore. Walker help me around house.”

So there you go — my mom pouncing on an opportunity to maximize her laziness.

2 comments

  1. I like your blog. Thanks for posting something I can laugh with and sometimes relate to… I needed some Korean mom angst therapy…

  2. I just found your site. My mom did similar with a bath seat my dad needed after he got out of the hospital. It’s one of those little stools you can sit on while showering. She kept it and uses it now. She keeps us cracking up.

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