My Mom Now Has an iPhone. God Help Us All.

Apr 01

A few weeks ago I had mentioned to my mom that I recently bought a new iPhone. Since my phone conversations with her lately have sounded as if she were calling from a potato, she asked what I was planning to do with my old iPhone 3GS. I told her I could send it to her since she uses AT&T and could just have them activate the device, and she got really excited by the prospect of getting a new free smartphone that’s in far better condition than whatever awful-sounding device she had been using. After I offered to send it to her, my mother became a Korean Terminator, seeking me out constantly and asking me when I was going to ship the phone. Two weeks ago, she called me when I was on my way to the hardware store to pick up a few items. Me: “Hello?” Mom: “Hi, honeyyyyyyyy. Whatchoo doing?” Me: “I’m going to the hardware store to pick up a few things.” Mom: “Oh, really?…I calling you to see if you still gonna send me EYE Phone.” Me: “Yeah, I’ll send it to you next week.” Mom: “Okay, good! I very excited to get new phone. I sound bad now, right?” Me: “Yeah, the connection is terrible, I can barely hear you.” Mom: “So bad. I need to get new phone. Send soon as you can, okay?” Me: “Don’t worry, I will.” Mom: “Okay, thank you bay-beeeeee. Love you. Bye.” I got to Lowe’s, picked up my four items, paid for them, and was driving home when my phone started vibrating. I glanced down and saw it was my mom. Again. Confused as to why she was calling me 15 minutes after we had last spoken, I answered. Me: “Uh, hello?” Mom: “Rebecca! It’s Mom.” She often identifies herself on the phone as if I get loads of calls from various Asian-accented women and can’t correctly identify her by voice. Me: “Yeah, I know. What’s up?” Mom: “Don’t forget to send charger!” Me: “What?” Mom: “When you send EYE Phone, don’t forget to send charger with it!” Me, laughing: “I’m not going to forget! Geez!” Mom: “Okay. I sit here this whole time thinking about...

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