The following is a glossary of terms my mom has used at some point or another, either due to translation problems or simply because that’s how she rolls. Be sure to check back, as the list will continue to grow every time my mom opens her mouth to say something.

Baby water —
sperm (or, as she pronounces it, “spuhm”).
Example: “Mia pregnant? She get the baby water?”

Version — virgin
Example: “I think Gene version. He not give baby water.”

“I never see be my life!” — an exasperated exclamation that closely translates to “Never in my life have I…”
Example: “Your room pig sty! You need to clean it up! I never see be my life such filthy person!”

Gah — God
Example: “Oh my gahhh!”

Jock-it — jacket
Example: “Is freezing outside! You better put on jock-it!”

Gayjerager — Gatorade
Example: “I buy some Gayjerager for after you game.”

Peacha — pizza
Example: “You need to eat! I bring you some peacha!”

“Smokes like a goat” — used to describe someone as a heavy smoker
Example: “My gah, she smokes like a goat!”

Meechygan — Michigan
Example: “When you fly to Meechygan and visit Mommy?”

Air-e-jone-uh — Arizona
Example: “Oh my gahhh, so freezing right now in Meechygan. Next week I go to Airejoneuh for warm and sun.”

Macho Man / Iron Chef race — an Ironman distance triathlon

Example: “You sign up for another Macho Man race?!?” / “My gahhh, you do another Iron Chef race, you gonna die.”