The Wrath of Cha

May 31

Last week I was chatting with my mom over the phone when she casually brought up the fact that my stepdad’s birthday was Thursday. “Kuht birthday this Thursday,” she said, “and it be nice if you call and wish him happy birthday. Or send him card. No, call him. He so nice to all my kids and send money for all you birthdays! Thursday. You call.” I told her I’d ring him up on his birthday (though I suspect this gesture is more to make my mom happy than for her husband’s benefit). After a busy week and amidst an even busier weekend, my mom left a voicemail message for me on Saturday. It basically sounded like this: “Rebecca! Where are you? …..you supposed to call Kuht on Thursday, wish him a happy birthday! What happen? …..call me back. Mommy sad.” CLICK Oh shit. Shit. SHIT. I forgot to make the “happy birthday” call. Mom was going to kill me. There’s nothing quite like the wrath of a diminutive Asian woman. She was pissed and I was afraid. I knew I’d have to call her back and sit on the receiving end of a verbal beatdown, but since I was dreading the conversation, I didn’t return her call until Monday, at which point I figured I’d have to at least let her know I was alive and well and was instead only avoiding her out of fear for my own life. Jason and I were on our way to a Memorial Day dinner, so I called my mom while he was driving. Ring ring…ring ring… Me: “pleasegotovoicemailpleasegotovoicemail…” Mom: “Hello?” I cursed under my breath. Me: “Hi Mom, it’s me.” Mom: “REBECCA!!!” I gulped. Mom: “WHERE ARE YOU?!?!!” Me: “I’m on my way to a barbecue…I’m sorry! I forgot to call and I’m sorry!” Mom: “All my kids and grandkids call Kuht and wish him happy birthday…except one.” Me, sighing: “I know, I just totally forgot. I’m really sorry.” Mom: “I call and remind you last week and you forget to call??!” Me: “I know. I’m sorry.” At this point Jason is laughing over how many times the word “I’m sorry” has been uttered in a 90-second timeframe. Mom: “Maybe...

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Failing the Squeeze Test

Aug 25

Failing the Squeeze Test

I mentioned before how Mom scrutinizes her kids’ weight. Last October I visited Michigan, and from a self esteem standpoint the trip didn’t go well. Not only did I find out that my visit was poor timing due to Mom’s pepper obsession, my little Korean mother obliterated any positive body issues I had in just four short days.

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Being Supportive at a Basketball Game

Aug 24

Being Supportive at a Basketball Game

I play in a men’s basketball league with my buddies. One time Mom wanted to come watch a game. To my surprise, she managed to find the gym on time. I was having a really good game — everything was falling for me. I could hear her cheer with every basket. It was nice.

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