K is for Kimchi

May 23

K is for Kimchi

For Mother’s Day I sent my mom a bouquet of flowers from the local florist in her area. She was so tickled and impressed that I used a local vendor instead of some big stupid Internet company and declared me the flower victor over my sister, whose bouquet from 1-800-Flowers “look like-a beat up!” (She did keep the plastic vase my sister’s flowers came in, naturally, because my mom is a hoarder and because she “didn’t have a green vase.”) Another gift I sent Mom was a t-shirt that said “K is for Kimchi!” because I thought it would be a funny thing for my tiny Asian mom to wear. I ordered the t-shirt and had it shipped to her but didn’t tell her because I wanted it to be a surprise. Naturally, I received no mention of the shirt because Mom┬ánever tells me anything. Finally I caved and called her. Me: “Hey, did you get a t-shirt in the mail?” Mom: “Yeah. K for the kimchi?” I chuckled. Close enough. Me: “Uh, sure. When did you get it?” Mom: “Saturday.” I called her on a Monday. Me: “And you didn’t wonder where it came from?” Mom: “Yeah, I wonder. I ask Kuht if he buy for me. He say no. I say, ‘Damn Kuht, you don’t spend money on this stuff! Save you money for better things.'” I like how she thought, “Maybe my husband got this for me,” and once that trail led to a dead end she just gave up and assumed the shirt was standard-issue to all Koreans from the government or something. No questions asked. Me: “I ordered it for you as a Mother’s Day gift.” Mom: “How it send to me? No note or anything!” Me: “I just put your address as the shipping address. I wanted it to be a surprise.” Mom: “Wow, you send me gift card [for her birthday] to Costco, and-uh flowers, and-uh tee shirt. Is too much!” Me: “Nah, it’s fine. You don’t think the shirt’s funny?” Mom: “Yeah, funny. I wear it.” Sure enough, a few days later my brother sent me this via text message: She also promised, “I eat kimchi while wearing shuht.”...

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Mom’s Sweet Tooth

Mar 18

My mom has the craziest sweet tooth ever. If you watch her prepare a cup of coffee, she’ll drench her cup with cream and then drop a spoonful of sugar into it…and then another one…and then another one…and then another one. By the time she’s done, it’s really a mug of sugar with a splash of coffee. The color is more akin to that of a chai than a cup o’ joe.

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My Mother the Hoarder

Mar 16

My Mother the Hoarder

I always half-jokingly tell my friends that my mother is a Level 2 hoarder. One time I was watching an episode of Hoarders and saw an old Asian woman in Hawaii who kept so much junk, her poor husband had to sleep in the car. She had so many of my mom’s mannerisms that it was eerie. I don’t know if it’s a common Asian trait or what, but my mom loves to hold onto random crap. Off the top of my head, here’s some random stuff that Mom always stocks up on:

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The Ultimate Pepper Deal

Oct 22

The Ultimate Pepper Deal

Previously I mentioned my mom’s pepper-growing hobby and how it all but consumes her time from the months of July to October. She was supposed to come to Seattle for a visit the first week of November, but since the fall frost hasn’t come to Michigan yet, I got pepper-blocked again as Mom stays behind to tend to her crop before winter. Sigh.

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My Mom at the Movies

Sep 16

My Mom at the Movies

My mom will occasionally go see a movie. I’ve accompanied her on a couple occasions, as has my brother John. Seeing a movie with my mom is always a treat, mostly because watching her reactions and listening to her review afterward is easily more entertaining than the movie itself. Below are a few movies we’ve seen with Mom:

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Mom’s Favorite Hobby

Aug 23

Mom’s Favorite Hobby

My mom has one hobby that we know of, and that is the planting, growing, picking, and selling of hot peppers. She complains about it so much that for the longest time I thought she hated growing peppers, but then one day it dawned on me that, despite her constant complaints and belly aching, she actually loves doing it. Don’t let the constant “Mommy break back in field allllll day long picking damn pepper!” moanings fool you — she loves that shit.

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